Feeling Discouraged and Unhappy about my eating habits

I have GOT to start sticking to eating right 100% of the time I feel so gross about myself body view wise this week(it was that time so it makes it worse). 

I was looking through old race pictures last night I was so much "skinnier" when I first started running I know I am more tone/fit now but still I think I like the other look better I want the muscle yet I dont lol! 

I was trying to remember exactly what I was doing back when I first started working out before the running like when I first lost all my weight(25lbs from 134-109).   I remember 3 protein shakes a day lots of subway for lunch, nutrigrain waffles and special k protein for breakfast,  and dinners of eggs with turkey bacon or  grilled chicken with green veggies, but thats about it...I couldnt have possibly lived on just that lol!  And alcohol how did I ever live without it!?!?!?  LOL!  My hair and skin were so much healthier then too and I want that back!  I want all of the greatness of that hardcore making sure everything I ate was the best for me and my body for health reasons!  I want to be the best me I can be!

I know I CAN do it, I mean I have done it before and stuck with it solid 100% on with only 1 cheat meal a week for 7 months!  But now getting through one week that way seems impossible!  I had a lot more to loose back then and was working with being happy with ME and healthy.  I am happy with ME now and am fairly healthy but I can do better.  I have the most loving and caring husband, 2 jobs(so many people struggle to find just 1), I am back in school, I exercise all the time(my part time job as a fitness instructor kind of helps make sure I do) but I just cannot get the results I want for my body.

I know in those 6 years my hormones are changing drastically and there really isnt much you can do about that but watch what you are eating and know how it affects your hormones(I highly recomend everyone read Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels). 

People ask me all the time what they should eat when how much and what workouts to do and I can tell them get them a schedule and a plan yet I cant stick to it myself.  I know I know everything is easier said than done but I must start DOING again so I can set a good example for those who come to me for help with their own fitness and nutrition goals.

I have never claimed to be "perfect" and what is "perfect" exactly anyways?  I say it is doing the best you can do for you and sticking with what you know is best for you meaning everyones "perfect" is not the same "perfect".  I would like to get back to my "perfect"! 

Well that is enough rambling on for now.

Stay fit my friends!  And lets all get to work on being 100% on with our eating habits!